Hell, I don't know!

Hello out there! Anybody home! Remarkably, there isn't really anything pissing me off today. Not sure why, since I am on-call for my company. I guess I am just in one of those numb moods. Kind of Zen really. My mind is like an empty cup waiting to be polluted by tomorrows office politics.

Maybe part of it is that I had some pretty funny conversations with an old coworker today, and messed around with Gaim and the gaim-encryption plugin so that those evil carnivores couldn't eavesdrop on our conversation. Not that our conversation is really worthy of listening in on, but it felt good using encryption any way. It's amazing how much more fun you can have when you aren't worried about someone else hearing you. It's kind of liberating.

Speaking of someone eavesdropping on you, there has been a lot of fuss about the government "spying" on civilians looking for possible terrorist communications and such. While I don't particularly like anyone poking around in my closet and minding my business, I don't see what all the fuss is about. People act like it's something new. The fact is that it's been going on since the 50's with the PSTN phone system. Folks, I am here to tell you, both of you, that privacy is an ILLUSION. You do know that when when you hang up your phone, there is still an open connection - don't you?

You see, very few of you are doing anything to actively guard your privacy. The consequences of this are that your lives are an open book to anyone with a little technical knowledge. Do you realize, for example, that every email you send is stored on someone's server, usually in plain text? There are several, if not dozens of people that have access to the servers your email is on. With a little bit of patience, any one of those admins could find numerous credit card numbers, social security numbers, personal details like birthday, age, sex, height, weight, hair color, favorite sexual positions, whether or not you are cheating on your spouse, how many porn club memberships you have, etc. That doesn't bother you, but the NSA, FBI, or CIA looking for terrorists does. Wierd.

And what about IM? Do you and all your friends use encryption? I bet not. For one, every service has it's own proprietary clients. Those that do have encryption usually only work when the person you IM is using the same one. Oh, and don't even get me started on PASSWORDS! Most of you have pitiful passwords to start with, then you use them all over the place. Your email, IM, and other passwords are stored in clear text on dozens if not hundreds of intermediary servers. They are also typically sent over the internet, and your ISP's or company's intranet without encryption.

So until you start taking measures individually to protect your "privacy", stop whining and trying to blame the government for everything. Use encryption - it's free! I'll add some links in here tomorrow for you to follow. Hey, if you have your own weblog out there, post a comment, and include your log's address in your sig.

Peace. Refuse - OUT!

Elves Have SEX?

This is going to be a very short post, merely because I want to point you to another location to read a rather interesting essay by Tyellas I came upon following my last missive - What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex. Also check out his more schollarly work Warm Beds Are Good: Sex and Libido in Tolkien's Writing also in PDF format.

One thing that he points out about Elven sexuallity is something I have said for a long time - that long, luscious, flowing hair radiates an indescribably beautiful sensuality that every woman should strive for. Granted, not every woman has the shiny, healthy hair for it, but many do. I just can't figure out why so many women want to have a short mens cut. I mean comemon! Even feminists and lesbians ought to be behind this one screaming their support. I mean in the case of feminism, isn't the whole point to honor and glorify women? If so, what's wrong with looking like a woman? And lesbians - isn't the whole point that you like WOMEN? If so, why would you want a woman that looks like a man?

Sorry I got on that bender there, but it had to be said! Getting back to the original topic, read more about Elf sex and Tolkien's magnificent fantasy world at Amazon.com.

Disorderly Personality

I usually feel like an undiagnosed compulsive-obsessive, mildly bipolar, depressive with ADD and a 127 IQ. I have great ideas, and insights into many fields of study, and am a great starter but a poor finisher. The problem is I get bored easily. I start out with compulsive-obsessive zeal and heads down focus on a project or task. However, if I can't accomplish the task in a few hours to a day, my zeal and focus wane. Likewise if another higher priority issue arises, distracting me from the first, I shift to that one, with the same effect. I lose interest, and it becomes difficult to get started on the task again. I then get depressed that I didn't finish, and don't feel like persuing it further. I then develop a failure mentality that tends to rob me of all self-worth and assurance, which can only be somewhat restored by having great sex with my wife (Huh?).


Handbook of Clinical Sexuality for Mental Health


It seems odd, I know, but the only obsession I seem to have permanently, at this time, is sexual obsession. It's like food for my psyche - it fills me, displacing all cares and concerns - at least for a while. If I don't get this relief for a period of time, I start to get more and more irascible and frustrated, and that feeds my feelings of insignificance and inadequacy. Some days I feel like I could accomplish great things! But soon the reality of my state in life starts to sneak in - like a tiny nettle in my sock that I can't find yet it still pierces the flesh rubbing it raw - irritating my mind, eating away at my soul. I succumb to nihilist thoughts and contempt for all that is, and desire for all that should be. Depression and gloom are then my companions for days or weeks at a time.

Do any of you experience anything like this? How do you cope with it? How do you succeed in life? Is there a good paying career that suits this sort of temperament? I may not be a genius, but I'm not ignorant either. I am pretty smart, responsible, usually patient, and despite my own feelings, I go out of my way to be kind to everyone. I'm highly technical, and not a bad writer. I try to tell the truth unless it will hurt someone else. I strive, with mixed success, for virtue and decency. I don't wear my problems, or my heart for that matter, on my sleeve. I am the person that people bring their problems and sob stories to, because I am a good listener, and despite my difficulties, have intuitive insight into people and life. But I have no one to turn to. No one to talk to or confide in. Maybe this weblog will be good therapy. It is my vent. Perhaps sharing my life and feelings this way will help me deal with it better.

I may be grasping at straws, but I can't afford to pay someone to listen to me, and if I was paying them, probably wouldn't trust them. I am not a very trusting person anyway, there is almost no one I trust on this earth.

So, if you are out there, if anyone is listening, please leave a comment or suggestion. Let me know I am not alone, again spewing my thoughts, feelings, and dreams into a void.

Do's and Don'ts of Losing Weight

Well, it's the start of a new year already. As a kid I always thought my parents were nuts when they would bemoan how quickly time flies. Those were the days, bright sunny Summers, and not a care in the world, but I couldn't wait to grow up. Now I would give anything to be as carefree as I was back then. Since I haven't perfected time travel yet, I guess I will just make do the best that I can.

In the meantime, I think I will tackle that most common of New Years resolutions - losing weight. I guess after stretching our stomachs to the limit over the course of Novembers and Decembers gluttony, we resolve to shed the Holiday fat belt that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Who's waist is that we see in the mirror?! So with that in mind, here are some ramblings on "Do's and Don'ts of Losing the Inches".

• Do replace the term weight loss with fat loss. After all, that's what we're really after, right? I don't care if I weigh 200 pounds if it's all muscle and my six-pack is showing (not that I ever got past a 4-pack).
• Do get off your ass and do some sort of exercise! This can't be stressed enough. Perform an aerobic activity (like walking, stair climbing, jogging, riding a bike, etc.) 2 or 3 times per week, and for 2 or 3 days between your aerobic activities, do some resistance exercises (weight lifting, calisthenics, etc.). You need the resistance exercise to retain and grow your muscles. If you neglect to do the resistance work, your muscles will be burned up before your fat!
• Do eat more often. That's right, I said eat more often. By not gorging yourself at 1 to 3 meals a day and instead eating the same amount (maybe even a little more!) over the course of 5 to 8 meals, you will be fueling your metabolism and will keep your body burning calories even when you are just sitting on your big arse.
• Do add whey protein to your diet. Whey protein is a great way to increase your protein intake without adding a whole bunch of calories. It can also substitute for one or two of your daily meals, assuming you increased the number of times you eat in a day. It is good in smoothies, and can be added to oatmeal (let the oatmeal cool a little bit before adding - heat is not good for maintaining the integrity of the proteins). Some people complain that it's expensive, but if you compare the cost of whey to say chicken, gram for gram the whey is much less costly.
• Do take a quality multivitamin. Men should get a specifically formulated men's vitamin, and women should likewise pick a women's vitamin. The reason is that despite what some feminists would have you believe, men and women are different chemically, metabolicly, and physically. Men need more of some vitamins and minerals than women do, and women need more of some other vitamins and minerals. And just so no one gets any ideas that I hate women or something, I believe men and women ARE different, but equal.
  
• Do try to order sensibly in a restaurant, ask for a carry out box when you place your order, and immediately rake 1/3 to 1/2 of your entire meal into the box. Doing this you can even have an appetizer and desert (no ice cream, it's hard to save!) as long as you only eat 1/2 of them.
• Do eat the rest of your restaurant meal that you saved in 2-3 hours, or take it for lunch the next day.
• Do park several rows further away from your building than you normally do, and for 1 to 4 floors, take the stairs! You can ride the elevator the rest of the way if you like.
• Don't be a glutton. Skip going to a restaurant, ordering a diet cola, and then proceed to fill your salad bowl far beyond it's intended capacity with ham, eggs, cheese, a pint of salad dressing, and a loaf of breads worth of croutons. And then go back for seconds!
• Don't fill up your refrigerator with diet and low fat foods. These things usually taste much worse than their full calorie equivalents, and tempt you to eat more, because they are "diet". If you just cut back on the serving size you consume, you will be doing fine. There might be a few exceptions to this one - skim milk, salad dressing (Hidden Valley Ranch light is pretty good), diet soft drinks, unsweetened tea (use nutrasweet, saccharine, or best of all Splenda) are OK in moderation. Avoid any other food loaded with processed sugar. Eat better food in smaller quantities throughout the day.
• Don't go on extreme diets! Skip the pound of bacon a day diet, or the all fiber diet. Instead try eating smaller balanced meals - a protein, a vegetable, and a whole grain. Lower starch and higher fiber is best - ie use brown rice, or if you aren't crazy about that mix it with white rice by starting the brown rice first, then for the last 18-20 minutes of cooking, add in the white rice, or have some whole oats, or mix some wheat germ with your mashed potatoes, grits, or cream of wheat. Plain instant (or quick cook) oatmeal is your friend as well. Flavor it with some no sugar added preserves or jam, and make it with milk instead of water. Not to bad.
• Don't expect to lose 20 pounds in one week! Try having reasonable expectations of 1-3 pounds per week, or even better, go by your body fat percentage. Over 6 months, it's possible (but not guaranteed) to lose 10 percentage point off your body fat level! For instance, you could go from 26% body fat to 11%, depending on how much effort you put into it.
• Don't be a scale slave. Check your weight once per week, tops, and if possible, get your body fat percentage checked every month. You might be burning up the fat, even if the scales don't seem to be falling very fast. Remember that muscle you were building? It weighs something too, but that's good weight!

These pointers should be enough to get you started toward a healthy new year, and help you prepare for that flesh flaunting season of Summer. There are no miracle diets that will shrink you from a 42 inch waistline to a 32 overnight. Buy some inspirational books to keep you motivated. Here are a couple I have read, want to read, or want to give as gifts. I did not include Pilates books for women, because most are designed by women for women. Click here for some results from Amazon.

For Women:

French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating For Pleasure

Japanese Women Don't Get Old or Fat : Secrets of My Mother's Tokyo Kitchen

Body for Life for Women: A Woman's Plan for Physical and Mental Transformation

For Men:

Body For Life: 12 Weeks to Mental / Physical Strength (Book) by Bill Phillips

PowerSculpt For Men: The Complete Body Sculpting and Weight Training Workout Using the Exercise Ball

The Complete Book of Pilates for Men : The Lifetime Plan for Strength, Power & Peak Performance

General:

Eating for Life: Your Guide to Great Health, Fat Loss and Increased Energy!

The Okinawa Program : How the World's Longest-Lived People Achieve Everlasting Health--And How You Can Too

Be patient, be steady, be consistent, and you will see results.

Premature Mid-life Crisis

Lost. Directionless. Emotionally drained. That's how I am feeling these days. I wonder if perhaps this is the onset of an early mid-life crisis. I always thought, "It could never happen to me", but now I am not so sure. Everything seems purposeless and empty. The only gems in the rough are my wife and kids, and even they can be trying sometimes, due more to my lethargy and depression than to any thing they do. Could it be? I am only 36 years old, does anyone else feel this way at such a young age?

I used to find my work exciting and challenging, but now it's reduced to following scripts and kissing everyones arse. I have worked at this company for a little over 6 months. At the time, I thought it would be the cure to all my woes, and would provide some stability instead of the uncertainty of contract work that I had been doing. At least my last contract gig was FUN and had some cool people to interact with.

I recently had my performance review, and let me tell you - IT BLEW CHUNKS! I have never had a worse one. It seems that most of what my manager complained about boiled down to the perceptions of the 3 other S.E.'s (who have been working here for years) had of me. It doesn't help that he had worked with them for years as well before his appointment to management a few weeks after I started, or that one of the guys was a Jr. SE and wanted the job I accepted. Seems they found me "abrasive, snappy, and difficult to work with". Yet the only positive thing in the review was "he is congenial in discussions".

WHA'FUh!?

They claimed I was not as productive as they thought I should be at this point. Well, every time I would ask a question about something, they told me it wasn't that important, ask the Senior SE when he is back in the office (usually two or three days hence). How can someone get up to speed if no one is willing to answer your questions? Seems because they weren't crazy about my personality, they would put me off.

You know, whenever I have been asked to do a peer review, no matter what I thought of the individual personally, I would always try to find at least one or two positive things to say about them. I thought I went out of my way to be nice to these guys, and they just smile in my face while plunging daggers in my back. What's a guy to do? I have financial and personal obligations that preclude me from just jumping ship, so it's back to ass kissing 101.

So what do you think? Am I really beginning my mid-life crisis? Or am I just gagging on the sickly sweet stench of forced servitude and friendliness? Sound off in the comments section if you have a mind to do so.